Mirror, Mirror

Last night I had an epiphany.

I was sitting at my desk and all of a sudden it hit me.  Like Gibbs smacking DiNozzo on the backside of the head.

Epiphanies can be like that sometimes. They have to hit you hard enough to make you take notice.

And what was this earth shattering realization?

I had lost control.  Not “crazy” control, although that could be totally plausible.  No, this was personal control.

So why would I have this feeling?  Well, for the past few weeks, I haven’t been feeling real positive in my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I love how my life has turned out and in general, I am very happy.  It’s just that I’m not looking at things as positive as I used to.  I’m letting things get to me too easily.  I’m becoming that sponge again that absorbs all the energies that are around me, instead of deflecting them.  My glass had become half empty, instead of half full.

This was not a good place for me to be in, and I needed to do something about it before it started to affect others around me.

I needed to take a good look at what was causing this feeling and figure out how to turn it around.

So I did the one thing that I suggest that others do when they are feeling this way:  I journaled.  I started writing down things that were bothering me and why I felt they were having an effect on me.  I had to dig deep and find answers.  I was on a mission.

And when I was done, I came to the following conclusions:

• When work sucks and I can’t make others see that they are being horses arses with their decisions?  Allow them to do so.  These people are supposed to be in charge, not me.  If they think that they have made the right choices, who am I to say differently.

• When people don’t know all the facts about a situation?  Let them air their opinions and let it go.

• When I think that I need to justify every decision that I make in my life to others?  Shut my mouth and realize that the only person I have to justify anything to is me.

• When people really piss me off with their idiot ways?  Remember that I can be an idiot also and that people make mistakes.  And so do I.

A good friend of mine once told me, “When you look at other people, instead of seeing someone else, see yourself and how much you are like that person.  Only then can you make changes in your life.”

Perhaps some of the best advice I have ever received.